I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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