3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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