I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize