someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
