All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
