It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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