Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
