i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
