"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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