It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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