This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
