That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
