My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want nice things and good sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
