Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
