I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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