I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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