i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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