ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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