What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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