to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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