I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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