; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
