did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
