SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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