It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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