I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
