i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
