Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
