where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
