I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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