It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He shit in the fireplace
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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