Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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