Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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