New invention idea: vibrating tampons
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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