Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
