youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
