I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
