I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
