She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
