Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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