Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
