I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
