You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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