Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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