I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Less talking, more tequila
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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