Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
