I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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