i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
