Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
