I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
