oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
