FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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