Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
