Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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