He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
