Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
