Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
