Just mADE A PArabola og urine
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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