I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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