Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
