thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
