He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
