Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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