WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
