well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
