i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.