soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.