nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.