she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...