i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize