That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
