Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
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