Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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