Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
