Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
