Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
