Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
