my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
