i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
