I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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