I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
