OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
